Certainly, not by shouting, screaming, or throwing ourselves at each other like we see on TV. After all, we are civilized people.
The people on television, as primitive as their behavior may be, actually have one goal — to look strong. The non-primitive version of this is having a correct logical flow, an appropriate tone of voice, and standing firmly behind your thoughts without violating anyone else’s right to speak, while expressing your ideas in the best possible way. A person who can achieve this can continue fighting for their dreams in a world where they sometimes feel weak and powerless. The one who cannot — according to nature’s law — is eliminated for being weak.
The ability to defend our point of view is not something we are born with; it is something we learn. This skill not only helps us survive or be successful in life, but also helps us understand what we truly want and what we expect from life.
In this section, we will talk about how we can defend our thoughts within acceptable limits. We will learn how to prevent others from using or manipulating us, how to keep our own priorities always as our top priorities, and how to respond to criticism in the best possible way — or at least act like we’ve learned to. After all, I’m not a teacher, and you are not a student.
What we pretend to learn here will also help us understand how to shape our lives according to our own priorities, how to direct them, and how to become responsible for them. Yes, we are still moving forward on the path of becoming individuals — becoming ourselves, becoming free — that started with the journey of self-awareness. Nothing is ever that easy.
The real difficulty here is not that you might get bored while reading, that your hand might reach for your phone, and you might suddenly find yourself watching cat and dog videos on Instagram. The real difficulty lies in the fact that, in daily life, we continue to live as we have been taught — in the ways dictated to us socially and culturally, and by authority figures at work or school. Naturally, the things that disturb us most are rooted in those same familiar patterns and ways of thinking that we’ve learned. Pushing ourselves to the background — that’s what we actually call our comfort zone.
So how can we resist this?
Not through rebellion, revolution, or anarchy.
The first thing to understand is this: no matter how ridiculous your ideas might seem, they have a right to exist (unfortunately). You can think independently of other people’s approval, you can say what you wish, and you can act as you wish. Everything you think is deeply personal.
The very thing that separates people — that makes you who you are — is those unique thoughts you hold. But another truth is that different ideas, thoughts, and actions are not always welcomed in society. This naturally creates a feeling of insecurity: What if they say something about me? What if they label me? Yet what actually sets you one step ahead in the crowd is exactly those different thoughts you have.
For example, being oppositional — being a critic — actually means you believe your thought has value and you are ready to fight for it. Maybe you really are expressing an extraordinary thought. Maybe your idea truly deserves to be heard, even if no one else agrees. In that case, giving up and retreating into yourself might be the greatest crime you could commit — and you would be the one who suffers for it most.
If there hadn’t been people who were truly brave, today we would still believe that the sun and the planets revolve around the Earth. We would still think the world is flat. We would still see Black people as slaves. We would never have met the republic or democracy — but Socrates wouldn’t have been executed either. Knowing where to stand is important.
Endurance
Endurance means knowing your personal boundaries. What does that mean?
It means that while you know how to fight for your desires and needs, you also know how to say “no” — and actually apply it. It means accepting yourself as you are.
Nothing in life is your last chance. You have the right to question every person you meet and every sentence you hear. Everyone can be wrong. Naturally, you should be able to express your thoughts aloud and discuss them. You should be able to freely convey the message you want to give. And in doing so, you can see how important and meaningful what you say actually is for others.
Of course, we are not talking about ignorant self-confidence or meaningless arguments here. We are talking about thoughts with real substance.
Consistency and Continuity of Thought
Another important element in being able to stand behind your thoughts is your ability to communicate. Can you express what you want clearly and understandably? While doing so, can you maintain respect for the person in front of you and free yourself from all other emotions?
The best way to win an argument is not to argue for the sake of winning. This is not a battle. Therefore, someone who can control themselves, who respects their counterpart, who does not attack, who knows what they are saying, and who has confidence in themselves is always several steps ahead.
Barış Manço comes to mind. In addition to his fast and sometimes hard-to-follow way of speaking and his highly respected artist identity, what stands out most in all his interviews and talk shows (at least from what I have seen on YouTube) is his respectful attitude and calm demeanor toward the people he spoke with. There are many examples like this, but what caught my attention in his old interviews was how he never let others drag him in a different direction — and how, in turn, they also listened to him respectfully.
Empathy is another important point. You need to be able to analyze the psychology of the person in front of you, understand their sensitivities, know their basic principles, and be able to empathize. You should understand their values, their system of thought, and their state of mind.
This reminds me of sensitive topics that often lead to arguments: the Kurdish issue, Black rights, LGBTQ+ rights, feminism, animal rights. When talking with people who are sensitive about these topics, if you fail to take that sensitivity into account, what you get is not dialogue — but conflict.
Methods for Building Arguments
1. Reprocessing
This means analyzing the arguments of your counterpart one by one and resolving them together. By doing so, you gradually make your own point of view more acceptable.
It’s like when fortune-tellers say, “You have to believe, otherwise it won’t work.” The same here — you need knowledge first. And what is being discussed should not be a belief but a real idea. Otherwise, please step this way → Philosophical razor (Occam’s razor)
2. The “Salami” Method
You first talk about the most important points and get those accepted. The remaining parts are then resolved slowly. The main idea is mutual benefit.
Why this method is called “salami,” I have no idea — but cheese goes well with it. Wrapped in plastic and taken to work or school, it tastes even better.
3. Positive Response
You frame the conversation so that the other person says “yes” to everything. After a few “yes” responses, they become more positive toward your other questions too. Therefore, asking simple questions and giving them a sense of superiority can be an effective strategy.
But be careful — don’t end up like Louis C.K.’s audience, or like Socrates.
4. Classical Rhetoric
At first, you agree with what your counterpart says. Then, with a strong argument, you move into an intellectual offensive and prove the opposite. This is especially effective against aggressive speakers.
When defending our ideas, it’s important to know when to give up. As in some of the examples we mentioned earlier, the result can be disastrous — even fatal, or in our case, a trip to Silivri (Turkish joke for prison). It’s also important to think about what kind of questions you might face. What matters most is knowing exactly what you are defending. Otherwise, if you defend something without knowing what you are talking about — like 99% of social media does — then you lose not just the debate, but your credibility, your topic, and the value of your words. In that case, the only thing left for you to become is a good politician.
When discussing an important topic, you should do it politely, away from hostility or confrontation. Unfortunately, I can’t give good examples from Turkey, but there are excellent debates you can watch on YouTube from other countries.
Also, don’t forget to reflect on the definition of discussion. Discussion doesn’t mean war, intellectual battle, power struggle, or disagreement — even though that’s how we tend to understand it. People can also discuss topics they already agree on, and by doing so, develop their ideas further.
Naturally, when defending a thought, we should avoid blaming others or speaking harshly. If we are talking with someone we already have personal issues with, we should be willing to pause the conversation, calm down, organize our thoughts into a logical structure, and then continue later.
Sometimes, the person you are talking to may be wrong but truly believe the opposite. Instead of judging them, try to understand them. Intelligent, patient people with strong communication skills do exactly that — they try to understand both the content and the behavior of the person in front of them. They rationally analyze stubborn behavior. That is exactly what we must do in order to express our ideas correctly: to put ourselves in the other’s place, to make an effort to understand them — no matter how absurd they may sound — and to avoid negative outcomes.
Now that I think about it, the examples we see on television are the exact opposite of what should be: zero understanding, zero respect, zero empathy, zero patience… a big fat zero.
A calm and rational person can prevent a conversation from turning into an argument — actually, let’s call it what it really is: a verbal fight.
At the same time, this approach improves your ability to form closer relationships and helps you see situations more deeply. Always try to look through someone else’s window.
There Is Nothing to Be Sad About
When you are not approved by others, when you don’t get support, instead of feeling sad, think of Einstein’s photo with his tongue out. Who knows how many people said, “This man is crazy.” All he did was ask the right question: Is time the same for everyone? Then he pursued that question.
Even your closest friends and family may not support you. In fact, the people closest to us are often the biggest obstacles to our success and dreams — because they worry too much about us. They like keeping us anchored in our comfort zone. Their good intentions often work against us. They think they have the right to say anything. They project their own bad experiences onto us. I’m sure you’ve had an idea that died before it even began because you shared it with the wrong people — the ones you trusted most.
So, what can we do about it? The same thing: we can share our own experiences, show our confidence, and take a firm stance. When you calmly and kindly explain how you plan to reach your goals and what you’ve done so far, people’s worries, fears, prejudices, and anxieties start to fade.
Whether it’s an idea, a thought, a business plan, or a heated debate — when you feel like you can’t make yourself understood, or when you realize you’re wrong, admit it. Don’t get angry, but don’t throw away your self-confidence either. Otherwise, your aggression and dissatisfaction become visible, and your relationships suffer. This happens a lot, especially in political discussions. Don’t let unrelated things ruin your relationships.
When you win a debate — when you’re right — step back gracefully and calmly. Say, “I told you so.” Mock them, insult them, never talk again, carve a mark on your Socrates board.
But an even better thing to do is to thank them — for listening to you, for trying to understand you, or for accepting what you said. Show your appreciation and respect.
bahadirhancicek 
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