In the “How to Know Yourself” series, we explored how individuals drifting through daily life can transform into those who know what they’re doing and why.
We talked about how we lose touch with ourselves amid everyday busyness and how that distance quietly lowers our quality of life. Finally, we looked at how the questions we ask ourselves can help us break out of that cycle.
Now, in the “Psychological Manipulation” series, we’ll talk about something that’s not directly tied to us, yet constantly pulls us in. It will take total 8 episodes.
We’ll explore how coworkers, politicians, managers, partners, media, children, and even parents, knowingly or unknowingly, manipulate us and cause us to drift.
And some of you might even use the very same tactics to manipulate those around you. But just like martial arts, our purpose here isn’t to create new bullies. It’s to understand external threats and learn how to protect ourselves.
Most importantly, we’ll explore how to become free individuals.
So grab your fruit, juice, or whatever healthy snack you’ve got —
because our Introduction to Manipulation begins now.
1. First, We Need to Understand What It Is
As with everything else, it’s best to start with understanding and definition.
Without knowing what something is, it’s impossible to grasp what it does.
Psychological manipulation is a subtle psychological phenomenon.
It’s not mystical or conspiratorial but it’s all about making someone act against their will without realizing it.
We say “against their will,” yet a successful manipulation makes the person believe it was their own decision.
(See also: Lip Fillers)
You might ask: Why not just ask directly?”
Well, as you’ve learned in the Know Yourself series, it’s not that easy.
In daily life, when you ask for a favor, you’ve surely heard plenty of “No”:
though not said that way.
More often, it’s:
“I’m busy right now.”
“Something came up.”
“I’ve got a headache.”
“I’m just tired.”
As those answers pile up, our prejudices, hesitations, and fears grow stronger.
Eventually, we can’t even ask the simplest questions.
If you’re a more introverted person, that one “No” : after all those internal battles — can feel like England losing Gallipoli all over again.
2. Why We Manipulate (Even When We Don’t Mean To)
Every question comes with a certain responsibility — and so does every answer.
When we ask, we admit our desire. We also admit dependence.
And when we open up or ask something from someone, it’s almost certain that — sooner or later — something will be asked in return.
No one enjoys doing someone else’s work out of obligation.
That’s why, even when it’s not exactly ethical or kind, we sometimes resort to manipulation.
Everyone afraid of rejection has done it in one way or another.
So before you start acting like those who exploit building amnesties and then complain after an earthquake — calm down. We’ve all got our hands dirty here.
3. When Things Don’t Go Our Way
Imagine your most important request just got rejected.
Something that feels like life or death to you.
What do you do?
Do you cry? Feel hurt? Hold a grudge? Think, “I’ll show them”?
Or maybe, “Good luck getting help from me again!”?
As you read this, you probably already thought of examples —
from newspapers, your workplace, your family.
Take the simplest one:
A small child realizes that crying gets them what they want. What do they do?
They cry. They cry until the parents give up and give in.
That’s manipulation 101.
4. The Many Faces of Manipulation
We all know what manipulation is — and we all witness it daily.
But everyone has their own methods.
That depends entirely on your ethics, morals, skills, purpose, and potential.
Some become presidents using it.
Some become sheep.
Think of manipulation like a knife.
Some use it to slice bread, some to kill, some for surgery, some hang it on the wall, others use it to cook.
In short:
Manipulation is a tool — to make something happen, to create an effect.
To some, it’s an unethical, immoral tool.
But who says that?
Someone who’s never manipulated anyone?
Do such people even exist?
No.
As mentioned earlier, whether knowingly or not, everyone — children, parents, buyers, sellers — manipulates in some way.
And when manipulation works, it’s usually called “unethical.”
But in truth, blaming someone is manipulation itself.
5. Everyday Examples
Let’s return to the definition with a few more examples.
Imagine you take your girlfriend to a nice garden café.
A flower vendor walks up and suggests you buy her a rose.
Is that manipulation or just a harmless sales attempt?
Definitely manipulation.
Because the vendor knows that if you say no, you’ll look bad — stingy, careless, or cold — right in front of your girlfriend.
You’re not buying a rose; you’re buying comfort from guilt.
Another example:
Mediums, illusionists, fortune tellers, and “healers.”
They all feed on human fear.
For instance, a healer might say,
“Your illness is serious, but I can heal you.”
They’ll pray, give you herbs, maybe even engage in “ritual intimacy,” and make you believe you’re healed.
Fear is one of humanity’s strongest — and weakest — emotions.
6. Romantic Manipulation
A classic dialogue:
“Do you love me?”
“Yes.”
“Then why don’t you buy me gifts?”
This “may God save us from this woman” archetype enjoys playing with men’s insecurities — making them feel inadequate or guilty.
But emotionally immature men also manipulate women —
by making them feel small, dependent, or weak.
They insist they’re stronger and more capable,
until the woman starts to believe she can’t stand on her own.
In societies where women aren’t free, this kind of manipulation thrives.
7. Workplace Manipulation
A manager says to an employee:
“Why is the project delayed? Must I always be the bad guy here? I’m starting to question your competence. If this doesn’t finish on time, there will be consequences.”
In the first line, he plays on the employee’s professional pride.
In the second, it’s a veiled threat.
Now imagine the employee —
two kids, drowning in debt, a new mortgage, an already strained marriage due to overwork.
He can’t say:
“You should’ve questioned earlier. ‘Consequences’? The worst you can do is fire me — and that would be a blessing!”
So he doesn’t.
He works harder, swallows his anger, and takes it out at home.
These examples might sound like scenes from a dubbed foreign movie,
but they show how manipulation works in everyday life — and how easily we’re caught in it.
Every day, we use or face dozens of manipulation techniques — consciously or not.
8. The Invisible Web Around Us
In personal life, family, business, and media… manipulation is everywhere.
If you read the news daily, you might think the world is ending.
People thought the same 100 years ago. And 50 years ago.
Yet life goes on — with plenty of good things happening too.
Religion, too, often works through fear —
and thus becomes a powerful political tool.
It’s always been this way. And it always will be.
9. The Purpose of Learning Manipulation
That’s why becoming aware of manipulation — learning how it works — is so important.
Manipulating others isn’t inherently shameful, dishonorable, or immoral —
(unless you’re using it to destroy relationships, hurt people, or oppress your children… but even the atomic bomb was first called a “scientific marvel.”)
Especially in family and personal relationships, it’s essential to be open, to talk things through, to listen, to empathize, to find solutions together.
That’s the healthiest, most effective way forward.
And in that kind of relationship —
there’s no place for manipulation.
bahadirhancicek 
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