I see often the debate of men over feminism. Quite absurd one.
Topic: “Misandry Carried Out Under the Name of Feminism”
Some call it social engineering, some defend feminism, some defend their manhood.
When I saw the title, my first thought was: How? How can someone see feminism as such a big threat? What could they have experienced to feel this way? I think this has something to do with insecurity.
Sexism is something we strangely internalize, don’t see, can’t see, or choose to ignore. Feminism’s biggest challenge is, ironically, women who use their “womanhood” in this struggle or who embrace the traditional structure and have absorbed sexism. On the men’s side, most are unaware of what’s going on. They simply live their “normal.” Like most majorities, they have no idea about the minority view — but when it pops up in front of them from time to time, they react.
As a man, I don’t really see myself as having the right to write about this — but still, I want to note some things I’ve observed. Because when I think about what might fall under the definition of sexism, I’ve realized that an average man with a standard education will, at the core, be sexist. Add religion, culture, and other social factors to the mix, and sexism becomes deeply normalized.
In engineering, you don’t see many women. This looks like women simply aren’t interested in technical fields. I believed that for a long time — until I saw different examples. Construction workers, bus drivers, factory workers, auto mechanics, firefighters, pilots, truck drivers, police officers, electricians, soldiers, football players, plumbers, miners, carpenters, surgeons, welders… Women can do all of these — and do, in various parts of the world.
Let’s think about the reverse. Nursing, caregiving, kindergarten teaching, homemaking, secretarial work, flight attendants, social work, cosmetics, design, dietetics, fashion design, receptionists, florists, midwifery — all have been associated with women and are considered “too weak” for men.
Some of these stereotypes have been broken, some are breaking, and some still hold strong. But why do we even have them in the first place?
One reason could be biological differences and the importance of physical strength in ancient times, which shaped the division of roles. Later, with the Industrial Revolution, the hunter-gatherer and warrior man’s job transformed into industrial labor — which then became “men’s work.”
Another reason is the power system built by men — political and economic power, positions of authority — all occupied by men. This prevented women from entering the workforce or becoming political decision-makers. The same cycle kept repeating. For example, we talk about democracy and voting in ancient Greece — but women weren’t included. And from that time until the late 1800s or early 1900s, they still weren’t.
Add to that cultural norms, typical gender perceptions, religion, education, and career development… and as a result, the roles assigned to men and women become “normal,” while anything outside those roles becomes “abnormal.”
This starts in childhood. Children’s clothing has a clear boy-girl divide. Girls get pink and bright colors; boys get more neutral and dark colors. The industry produces it this way. That’s how “girl clothes” and “boy clothes” are defined. Families play along too — avoiding colors and designs they see as feminine for their sons.
Toys are the same. Boys get more technical or strong characters; girls get toys focused on appearance. Barbie and Ken are the simplest example — the first step into sexism for children. Similarly, boys play with cars, construction vehicles, building blocks, and war toys; girls with dresses, kitchens, cleaning sets, and similar items. From the very start, leadership, strength, and adventure are assigned to boys; care, family, and nourishment to girls. Dreams are limited at the earliest ages. Intelligence development follows suit — boys engage more with logic and analytical content for life, girls with social and emotional intelligence tasks.
Cartoon characters reflect this too. The Smurfs, The Jetsons, The Flintstones, Tom and Jerry, He-Man, Disney princess movies, and others. (My cartoon references are 30 years old — I don’t know the newer ones.)
Activities are also divided. Boys are motivated for physical activities; girls for appearance and housework (“My strong boy” vs. “My pretty girl”). A crying boy hears “Be a man — men don’t cry, men are strong.” A girl’s fragility, however, is seen as normal. Strong, active girls are viewed negatively: “Girls shouldn’t be this energetic” or “Girls shouldn’t be this headstrong.”
Workplace dynamics show the same pattern. When you think “boss” or “manager,” the default image is male. A dominant man is a strong leader; a dominant woman is aggressive or annoying. In senior role selections, men often have the advantage. Politics shows the same imbalance — how many women leaders are there? And how many of them got there without having to “act like a man” to survive among men?
Even salary scales reflect this. In most countries — maybe all — men earn more for the same job. In high-paying fields like tech and finance, the gap is even wider. This is normalized because “women are less career-focused.” They’re forced into the “I can have children and a career” mantra. Have you ever heard a man say something like that?
Women also carry an emotional workload — unpaid labor. Organizing events at the office, organizing at home, buying gifts, planning surprises, remembering birthdays, tending to the social and emotional needs of those around them, adding aesthetic touches. These efforts are often not seen as part of the job — yet when something succeeds, it’s “thanks to the women.” The pay for this work? Zero. In fact, because “women are good at it,” even more of it gets dumped on them.
Even in the products we use, inequality exists. Have you noticed? The way men and women use phones is different — because phones and many products are designed for the average man. Many phones are too big for the average woman’s hand, but it’s so normalized that no one notices. Instead, women get mocked as “not being able to handle technical things.” Same with drills, screwdrivers, and other tools.
Car crashes are more dangerous for women because cars are designed for the average male body. Seat belts aren’t ergonomic for many women, increasing the chance of serious injury.
Medical research is no different. Many drugs and treatments have been — and still are — developed based on the male body. Women’s hormonal responses are more complex, so side effects for women are often more frequent, more severe, and more critical.
Menstrual cycles and pain have existed for as long as humans have — but much of the research is only from the last 20 years. The female body has only recently become a more serious scientific focus. Issues like menstrual pain and endometriosis were long under-researched. Many menstrual products were designed without considering women’s comfort or health. Menstrual cups, for example, didn’t gain much attention until recently. Thanks to initiatives during the Obama era, cervical cancer screenings, mammograms, and menstrual pain research gained more focus, paving the way for new scientific developments.
Cosmetics and personal care are another area of inequality. Women are expected to wear makeup, smell good, maintain their bodies. Look at the ads. There’s no equivalent expectation for men — or it’s only emerging now. In professional settings, a woman without makeup or “effort” is excluded instantly, while men’s natural state is accepted — even considered “cool.”
Body hair shows the same double standard. Hair is a sign of masculinity for men. Women, meanwhile, are expected to be completely smooth. Our entire perception and attention have been shaped around this — reinforced by ads, movies, and magazines.
In communication too, the double standard appears. Women must be cheerful and smiley; a woman who doesn’t smile is seen as odd. Men, in contrast, should be serious. Studies show men interrupt women more often than they interrupt men — especially in professional settings — a result of the traditional “man knows best” mindset. Even if the woman is the expert, a man can cut her off and insist on his point. If you don’t believe it, turn on the TV and watch any debate program.
Even public restrooms are designed with men in mind. A common example I’ve seen in airports: no line for men, long lines for women. Why? Men have urinals. So why aren’t women’s restrooms designed with higher capacity?
Office furniture is another example — from desks to chairs, most products are designed for men. Research shows that women in offices suffer more health problems than men as a result. And this difference only reinforces the false perception that men are stronger, more career-driven, etc.
Everyday sexism examples include:
- Expecting the man to pay for everything when going out.
- Treating a man who changes a baby’s diaper as if he’s done something extraordinary.
- Praising or finding it strange when a man cooks.
- Sports news focusing mainly on men’s sports.
- Automatically assuming men are better at driving or mechanical work.
- Asking women personal questions about family and children in job interviews — questions men never get.
- Seeing men aging as normal, while pushing women toward cosmetics.
- Men’s clothing being more functional and comfortable (pockets, accessories) while women’s clothing focuses on style.
- Putting the emotional load of a relationship on the woman.
- Labeling women as moody, hysterical, or overly emotional.
- Considering women “lucky” when a bad male boss treats them well.
- Promoting a man over a more qualified woman, using “motherhood” as an excuse.
- Assuming women are less interested in technology, gaming, or similar technical topics.
- Criticizing women more for public speaking or performance — and judging their appearance more in such contexts.
- Seeing the man as the “breadwinner” or “head of the household” even if the woman contributes equally or more financially.
- Blaming the woman’s clothing in harassment or assault cases.
- Considering porn-watching a normal male activity.
- Giving women fewer opportunities to speak or present at conferences and events.
- Portraying male characters in movies/series as strong, and female characters as overly groomed, emotional, and defined by appearance.
- Parents being more protective of daughters than sons.
- Still using sayings like “Spare the rod and spoil the girl.”
- Assuming male doctors and surgeons are better.
- Saying men “help” with housework instead of sharing it.
- Expecting women to use a softer tone in speech and email — otherwise labeling them as aggressive or rude.
- Praising men for attending feminist events as “exceptional,” while assuming women naturally have to fight this battle.
- Seeing single women as career-obsessed and incomplete.
- Considering childcare by a woman normal, but by a man as “babysitting.”
- Believing women shouldn’t work in high-stress jobs because they might have children.
As you can see, there are countless examples in everyday life — many we don’t even think about. They feel so normal. For example, in southern or Muslim countries, the “male-only hangout” culture feels strange to me. Men can have deep trust and brotherhood with other men — but not with women.
So what do men talk about when they’re alone? Why does the conversation change when a woman enters?
Simple. The topics where they most feel their gender privilege, where they most feel powerful over women, where they most satisfy their ego — and crude humor.
This also explains why many relationships don’t work — and won’t. It also explains why many men are so blind to sexism.
So Why Does a Man See Feminism as a Threat in Such an Environment?
It’s the same with all minorities. The powerful don’t see the needs, struggles, and fights of the minority. When the minority’s voice gets a little louder, the powerful feel threatened and go into self-protection mode. They villainize the minority, turn them into a threat, and prepare the ground to “deal with it” before it grows — all to protect their own power.
The first reason, then, is fear of losing privilege and power. A woman gaining power is seen by some men as a loss of their own. Even if the new rights women gain are merely equal or rights men have had for a century, some men feel like something is being taken from them. It’s like people who think refugees joining the workforce means they’ll lose their jobs. In the workplace, when women start to stand out more, men fear their own promotion chances will shrink.
Feminism also breaks the traditional male image and forces men to question themselves. They question their aggressive competitiveness and emotional stoicism — and see this as an attack on their values and identity.
Similarly, feminism’s scrutiny puts men more in the center of criticism. Behaviors are questioned more. Issues like sexual abuse and gender discrimination get more attention. When things men considered normal suddenly fall into these categories, it makes them feel insecure. As in the Ekşi Sözlük thread, they start to see it as “male hatred.” They see it as unfair judgment. This triggers another fear — “manhood.” Because “real men” don’t retreat, don’t fear, don’t complain. But when confronted by feminism, they feel their authority crumbling, their status weakening — and conclude that feminism is out to end masculinity. In truth, it’s insecurity and being crushed under social norms — their vulnerability coming to light, unable to hide behind tradition.
Feminism is also sometimes misunderstood. Its overlap with other minority and rights movements — drawing power from shared identity as the oppressed — can lead to it being pulled into other debates. In Turkey, this sometimes means association with the Kurdish movement or leftist politics. This can lead to feminism being seen as radical. And yes, radical feminism can have goals like “abolishing men.” The media and conspiracy theorists love this narrative — more clicks, more attention. But if people realized feminism is also about freeing men from traditional roles, they wouldn’t fall for this media trap. Ultimately, it’s about openness, sharing the same societal values and responsibilities, and creating a more balanced career and family structure.
Thanks to feminism, men’s economic and emotional stress can decrease. Men can cry, be broke, take care of children, admit they are more vulnerable or weaker than women in some ways. Maybe then we’d see less of the depravity and violence we see today. But sadly, many men don’t see it that way. They see it as an attack, a threat, and view a “softening” of men as a bad thing.
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