Death

He was not afraid. He was ready. Contrary to popular belief, he was not turning to God in his most helpless moment. After 70 years of being an atheist, he had completely lost that feeling. Death was always there and always an option. Life had given him a long life. He had been able to live every day as if he would die tomorrow, and when he looked back, he saw that he had lived. Like everything else, all that experience would be lost in history.

Suddenly he felt a chill. It was as if he was cooling down in a hot water, along with the water, and a light wind was tearing off small pieces of his skin. On the one hand, an incredible sense of relief, on the other hand, a feeling of unease that he had never felt before.

He wanted to scratch his skin with his hand, but he was having trouble even moving his fingers due to the fatigue and heaviness he had felt in recent days. The time had come. As he had imagined years ago, he was not simply disappearing in his room. He was hearing sounds that he could not understand. He wondered if they were crying behind me or had already started celebrating. The wailing, shouting, and tons of tears at the funerals he had attended had always seemed meaningless to him. He thought that life would continue for those who were crying. He had always admired the dance and music-filled funerals he had seen in different countries years ago and had always wished for celebrations after his own death. Why should death be sad? Why don’t we deserve a nice farewell party? Wouldn’t it be better to think of the best memories and bid the person farewell by living that day in the best way?

When he felt another chill, he realized that he was losing consciousness from time to time. He tried to focus on his thoughts, but it seemed like all those thoughts and memories were running away and he was too slow to catch them. He had given up chasing. He decided to enjoy this moment that he could taste once in his life and would not be etched into his memory. The best thing he could do was to listen to his body. The feeling of coldness on his skin had turned into a sweet warmth. It was as if he was enjoying the sun in a warm sea. Someone was also giving him a massage on his shoulders. It was like fingers running through his hair, passing through his muscles. He had never been so relaxed. He heard a voice saying “come.” When he turned around, he saw that beautiful face. It had not changed at all. It had defied time itself. Her beautiful eyes, smooth skin, and cheeks that looked shy were still the same.

Suddenly, he woke up with the movement he felt in his body and felt himself continuing to disappear. Seeing his wife, whom he had lost at a young age, filled him with even greater peace.

He didn’t know how long he had been sleeping. He wasn’t sure if he was really sleeping either, but he felt much heavier now. It was as if he was in a vacuum-sealed cold tube. He was not breathing, nor did he feel the need to. His heart was beating heavily as if it was about to stop beating; his hand, foot, and fingers seemed to have fallen off. As if they had never existed.

He seemed to be relaxing more and more with each passing minute. It was as if the limits of his biological body were being lifted and he was moving into a completely different dimension. He felt his blood being drawn, but where was it going? He felt a density like rush hour traffic, but that density was also slowly melting away. He began to think about where the drawn blood was going. His heart had stopped beating, and his lungs were moving slowly. It was interesting to experience this moment that he would never remember. Could he have been wrong about his ideas about death and the afterlife? He did not like this idea, and when he left there, he saw a funeral in the distance. When he approached, he felt it was his own funeral. People were crying. He shouted “You got rid of the old man! Have fun, dance,” but he couldn’t make his voice heard. When he got a little closer, he saw his grandson smiling, despite his teary eyes. He smiled too. He didn’t know if his grandson could see the expression on his frozen face, but he kept smiling…