How to know yourself-19: They come, They go

Can I easily let people go who are not really a good fit? Can I say that about all my romantic relationships? Would the other side agree with me?

It sounds crazy to me. When someone you’ve never met before, someone you didn’t even know existed, becomes the most important part of your life, someone with whom you share your most special moments. If you’re lucky, this sharing lasts a long time and becomes a whole that completes you. Sometimes it is the opposite. Sometimes it takes years, sometimes weeks, or even days. One of the biggest reasons for this is not thinking about the basis of the relationship. Living in a relationship to have, but not being part of it. And sometimes feeling obliged.

As we mentioned in the previous chapters, establishing the foundation of your daily relationships is essential for building healthy relationships. It is also important in terms of time, which is our most precious limited asset. I don’t think you want to waste such a precious resource, so it’s important to ask who am I with and why? You should ask whether we are really together because of our mutual feelings or just to temporarily fulfill our need to be loved. What are your gains, losses, renunciations, and preferences in your relationship? Most importantly, are you fooling yourself or is the relationship a part of you?

Giving something up is not a problem. You already know that nothing will be exactly the way you want it. What we are thinking about with the questions above is something else. Is the relationship hurting or harming you? In more popular terms, is it a toxic relationship? If this is the case, then the question of how to get out of it is important. Continuing a relationship that you know will end badly only hurts you, and wears you out. It reduces your quality of life.

To tie in with today’s question, it is useful to think about the emotional impact of the letting go phase. Is it easy to end a relationship that I put so much effort, time, and sacrifice into? Of course not. Therefore, the more you rationalize this decision, the less you will be affected.

If you can’t get rid of it easily, why? Maybe you really feel great love, but there is another problem. Maybe it is not reciprocated. Maybe you are fooling yourself (the moment you start to know yourself).

When and how should you remove this person from your life? Can you really remove them completely? The question is what should be your attitude towards a person you can keep seeing over and over again at the same job, in the same neighborhood, on the same street? Should you ignore it or should you just review your sincerity?

What will you gain after removing them from your life? Less stress, less fighting, and more time for personal growth. Maybe, when you think about the relationship, the lessons you learn will turn you into a completely different person. When you think about all these things, it will be much easier to get rid of what needs to go out of your life, and your relationship will be much better with what you want to have in your life. And you will know much better what you want.